2 men jokes are funny jokes which involve a conversation between two men and generally are only three to four lines long. Generally in two men jokes, each man appears to be more dumb than the other.
Funny 2 men jokes
Two old married men chatting in a bar. First man says " Have you ever thought that marriage was a bit of a lottery?". The second man replied "Not at all. At least you have a slight chance with a lottery.
I was talking to my friend Joe the other day and he said "Do you know, I've
loved the same woman now for over 35 years?".
"That’s lovely" I replied. "But if the wife found out, she would murder me".
Two friends were out hunting one day when one collapsed suddenly. His friend
checks for signs breathing but there seems to be none. He calls the emergency
services on his mobile phone. "My friend has died" he sobbed. "What should I
do?" The operator tells him in a calm relaxed voice "First thing is to make sure
that he is actually dead". After a few seconds silence, a loud shot can be heard.
The man returns to his phone and says " Okay what next?".
Two old men were chatting in the park. First man said " My wife puts our wealth
down to the old adage that behind each successful man there is his woman. The
second man said " and mine always said behind a fall of each successful man
there is always someone else's woman".
Two old married men chatting in a bar. First man says " Have you ever thought that marriage was a bit of a lottery?". The second man replied "Not at all. At least you have a slight chance with a lottery.
I was talking to my friend Joe the other day and he said "Do you know, I've
loved the same woman now for over 35 years?".
"That’s lovely" I replied. "But if the wife found out, she would murder me".
Two friends were out hunting one day when one collapsed suddenly. His friend
checks for signs breathing but there seems to be none. He calls the emergency
services on his mobile phone. "My friend has died" he sobbed. "What should I
do?" The operator tells him in a calm relaxed voice "First thing is to make sure
that he is actually dead". After a few seconds silence, a loud shot can be heard.
The man returns to his phone and says " Okay what next?".
Two old men were chatting in the park. First man said " My wife puts our wealth
down to the old adage that behind each successful man there is his woman. The
second man said " and mine always said behind a fall of each successful man
there is always someone else's woman".
2 men jokes in pub
Two men go into a pub, order their drinks and sit down. Then they each take out some
sandwiches and start to eat them. The barman shouts "Hey, you can't eat your own food here". They look at each other, and with a shrug of their shoulders, swap sandwiches and carry on.
Two men are chatting in a bar. First man says "I've had terrible luck with both of my wives". "How come?" said the second man. "Well" said the first man "My first wife left me .... and my second wife hasn't."
Two men talking in a pub. First man said " How did you get that black eye?" Second man " My wife hit me and it was all because of television programmes". "I don't understand" said the first man. "Well, she asked me if I knew what was on TV. and I replied - dust".
Two men were chatting in a pub. First man says "What is your wife’s name?".
Her name is Doris but I call her five horses replied the second man.
"Why do you call her that?"
"NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG is all she ever does" he replied.
Two men go into a pub, order their drinks and sit down. Then they each take out some
sandwiches and start to eat them. The barman shouts "Hey, you can't eat your own food here". They look at each other, and with a shrug of their shoulders, swap sandwiches and carry on.
Two men are chatting in a bar. First man says "I've had terrible luck with both of my wives". "How come?" said the second man. "Well" said the first man "My first wife left me .... and my second wife hasn't."
Two men talking in a pub. First man said " How did you get that black eye?" Second man " My wife hit me and it was all because of television programmes". "I don't understand" said the first man. "Well, she asked me if I knew what was on TV. and I replied - dust".
Two men were chatting in a pub. First man says "What is your wife’s name?".
Her name is Doris but I call her five horses replied the second man.
"Why do you call her that?"
"NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG is all she ever does" he replied.
2 men in a bar joke
Two men chatting in a bar. First man says " I can go ten days without sleep".
Second man asks "How can you do that?"
"Easy, I sleep at night" said the first man.
Two men chatting in a bar. First man says " I can go ten days without sleep".
Second man asks "How can you do that?"
"Easy, I sleep at night" said the first man.
2 men PJ
Two male dog owners are bragging about how wonderful their respective hounds are.
First dog owner says "My dog is so clever that he waits by the front door every morning for the delivery boy to put the newspaper through the letterbox and then bring it to me in the kitchen to read whilst I eat breakfast."
"I know" said the second dog owner smugly "my dog told me".
Two male dog owners are bragging about how wonderful their respective hounds are.
First dog owner says "My dog is so clever that he waits by the front door every morning for the delivery boy to put the newspaper through the letterbox and then bring it to me in the kitchen to read whilst I eat breakfast."
"I know" said the second dog owner smugly "my dog told me".
2 Country men joke
Two country yokels are talking in the pub. First man says "I failed my driving test
last week".
Second man asks "What did you fail on"?
"Road signs" replies the first man. The examiner asked me "What sign do you expect to see when driving down a country lane?".
I replied "Fresh farm eggs – 90 pence a dozen."
Two country yokels are talking in the pub. First man says "I failed my driving test
last week".
Second man asks "What did you fail on"?
"Road signs" replies the first man. The examiner asked me "What sign do you expect to see when driving down a country lane?".
I replied "Fresh farm eggs – 90 pence a dozen."
2 drunk men joke
Two drunks are in a pub talking.
Man No.1 "I heard that you recently formed a rock group"
Man No.2 "Yup, I’ve formed a quintet"
Man No.1 "How many is that then"?
Man No.2 "Four"
Man No.1 "Four – you sure"?
Man No.2 "Yup – me and my three brothers"
Man No.1 "You have three brothers"?
Man No.2 "Nope , whatever gave you that idea"
Two drunks are in a pub talking.
Man No.1 "I heard that you recently formed a rock group"
Man No.2 "Yup, I’ve formed a quintet"
Man No.1 "How many is that then"?
Man No.2 "Four"
Man No.1 "Four – you sure"?
Man No.2 "Yup – me and my three brothers"
Man No.1 "You have three brothers"?
Man No.2 "Nope , whatever gave you that idea"
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