Doctor Jokes are full of jokes about goofing doctors, stupid nurses and frightened patients. Some of them are about medicine while others are based on Doctors charging exhorbitant fees. Yet these jokes are very enjoyable and there are also some jokes about compision of Doctors to other profession such as Lawyers which are even more funny.
Doctor Joke
Nurse: Why are you sad today doctor?
Doctor: The patient I operated today afternoon died.
Nurse: Doctor, you didnt operate the patient today afternoon. You did a post mortem.
Doctor: Then who was the guy on whom I did a post mortem today morning?
Nurse and patient joke
NURSE GIRL—"Oh, ma'am, what shall I do? The twins have fallen down the well!"
FOND PARENT—"Dear me! how annoying! Just go into the library and get the last number of The Modern Mother's Magazine; it contains an article on 'How to Bring Up Children.'"
Submitted by sai on 22-Aug-2009
Doctor Vs. Lawyer Funny Joke
What is the difference between Doctors and Lawyers?
Because of mistakes Lawyers make, someone might end up hanging 6 feet above.
Because of the mistakes Doctors make, someone might end up buried 6 feet below.
Doctor Patient Joke
Doctor: I have some bad news and worse news.
Patient: Whats is it doc?
Doctor: The lab test results show that you have only 24 hours to live.
Patient: Oh my God!
Doctor: The worse news is that I was tried telling this to you yesterday but your cell phone was unreachable.
Funny Doctor Quote
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
A garlic a day.... keeps everyone away!
Doctor Nurse Funny Joke
Doctor: Did you take the patient's temparature
Nurse: No, I didnt take it. Is it missing?
Hilarious Doctor Joke
3 Things you must not hear the Doctor speak in an operation theatre.
1) Now if this is the kidney and that is the liver, what the heck is this?
2) Now where is Page 5 of this manual?
3) Shoo shoo black dog, come away with that piece, thats not your food.
Funny Doctor Joke
Doctor: Dont worry your health is fine. You'll live to be ninety.
Patient: But, doctor, I already ninety years old right now.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you.
Stupid Doctor Joke
Patient: Doctor, I am having problems hearing with my right ear.
Doctor: What! You are suffering from fever for 5 days?
Silly Patient Joke
Lady: My son swallowed the can opener doctor!
Doctor: Don't worry. He'll be alright.
Lady: But how do I open the can of pickles? I need to have my lunch.
Funny Patient
Doctor: There are more than five hundred bones in the human body.
Patient: Ssshh Doctor! There are more than five dogs outside.
Doctor PJ
Why did the doctor learn art?
Answer: IN order to learn how to draw blood.
Hilarious Patient Joke
Patient: Doctor, I think I need to get my eyes checked up.
Man: You certainly need do. This is a restaurant.
Super Joke
Doctor: How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?
Nurse: A basketball coach?
Timing Doctor Joke
Doctor: You are suffering from depression. Dont keep anything with you that worries you a lot.
Patient: Ok doc, I just threw away your 'doctor charges' bill.
Nice Doctor Joke
Lady: Doctor, my husband is speaking in his sleep.
Doctor: Just allow him to speak to you during the day, he will become alright.
Doctor Patient Super Joke
Patient: Why are you checking my eyes while its my foot which is injured?
Doctor: I wanted to know what happened to your eyes when you left your foot inside the gutter.
Doctor PJ
Doctor: What? Your 'eyes' got a cold?
Patient: Yes doctor, I was wearing a cooling glass.
Doctor Patient PJ
Patient: Your are a lucky guy doctor.
Doctor: How am I lucky?
Patient: If you got a disease you neednt perform operation on yourself.
Silly Doctor Patient Joke
Patient: Doctor, I have went around the town but still I am not able to get the medicines you prescribed.
Doctor: So it was you who took my scribble pad!
Doctor Joke
Nurse: Why are you sad today doctor?
Doctor: The patient I operated today afternoon died.
Nurse: Doctor, you didnt operate the patient today afternoon. You did a post mortem.
Doctor: Then who was the guy on whom I did a post mortem today morning?
Nurse and patient joke
NURSE GIRL—"Oh, ma'am, what shall I do? The twins have fallen down the well!"
FOND PARENT—"Dear me! how annoying! Just go into the library and get the last number of The Modern Mother's Magazine; it contains an article on 'How to Bring Up Children.'"
Submitted by sai on 22-Aug-2009
Doctor Vs. Lawyer Funny Joke
What is the difference between Doctors and Lawyers?
Because of mistakes Lawyers make, someone might end up hanging 6 feet above.
Because of the mistakes Doctors make, someone might end up buried 6 feet below.
Doctor Patient Joke
Doctor: I have some bad news and worse news.
Patient: Whats is it doc?
Doctor: The lab test results show that you have only 24 hours to live.
Patient: Oh my God!
Doctor: The worse news is that I was tried telling this to you yesterday but your cell phone was unreachable.
Funny Doctor Quote
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
A garlic a day.... keeps everyone away!
Doctor Nurse Funny Joke
Doctor: Did you take the patient's temparature
Nurse: No, I didnt take it. Is it missing?
Hilarious Doctor Joke
3 Things you must not hear the Doctor speak in an operation theatre.
1) Now if this is the kidney and that is the liver, what the heck is this?
2) Now where is Page 5 of this manual?
3) Shoo shoo black dog, come away with that piece, thats not your food.
Funny Doctor Joke
Doctor: Dont worry your health is fine. You'll live to be ninety.
Patient: But, doctor, I already ninety years old right now.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you.
Stupid Doctor Joke
Patient: Doctor, I am having problems hearing with my right ear.
Doctor: What! You are suffering from fever for 5 days?
Silly Patient Joke
Lady: My son swallowed the can opener doctor!
Doctor: Don't worry. He'll be alright.
Lady: But how do I open the can of pickles? I need to have my lunch.
Funny Patient
Doctor: There are more than five hundred bones in the human body.
Patient: Ssshh Doctor! There are more than five dogs outside.
Doctor PJ
Why did the doctor learn art?
Answer: IN order to learn how to draw blood.
Hilarious Patient Joke
Patient: Doctor, I think I need to get my eyes checked up.
Man: You certainly need do. This is a restaurant.
Super Joke
Doctor: How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?
Nurse: A basketball coach?
Timing Doctor Joke
Doctor: You are suffering from depression. Dont keep anything with you that worries you a lot.
Patient: Ok doc, I just threw away your 'doctor charges' bill.
Nice Doctor Joke
Lady: Doctor, my husband is speaking in his sleep.
Doctor: Just allow him to speak to you during the day, he will become alright.
Doctor Patient Super Joke
Patient: Why are you checking my eyes while its my foot which is injured?
Doctor: I wanted to know what happened to your eyes when you left your foot inside the gutter.
Doctor PJ
Doctor: What? Your 'eyes' got a cold?
Patient: Yes doctor, I was wearing a cooling glass.
Doctor Patient PJ
Patient: Your are a lucky guy doctor.
Doctor: How am I lucky?
Patient: If you got a disease you neednt perform operation on yourself.
Silly Doctor Patient Joke
Patient: Doctor, I have went around the town but still I am not able to get the medicines you prescribed.
Doctor: So it was you who took my scribble pad!
Hilarious Doctor Patient Jokes
My brother went to see the doctor last week and the doctor asked him to go over to the window and stick out his tongue. When she asked why the doctor replied "Because I hate that woman who lives across the street.”
My wife went to the doctor last week and he told her to lie down on the couch.
"Why?" she asked "Because I want to clean the floor" replied the doctor.
The doctor examined my wife and told her that she only had 4 minutes to live. " Can you give me anything doctor" she asked. The doctor replied "How about a boiled egg?".
A man went to the doctors and was told that he only had 3 months left to live. He
was unable to settle his medical bill so the doctor gave him another 3 months.
My Grandpa went to the doctor for an examination and the doctor said
" Everything's fine. you should live to be 65". "But I'm 66" said my Grandpa
"See" said the doctor " told you so".
My brother went to see the doctor last week and the doctor asked him to go over to the window and stick out his tongue. When she asked why the doctor replied "Because I hate that woman who lives across the street.”
My wife went to the doctor last week and he told her to lie down on the couch.
"Why?" she asked "Because I want to clean the floor" replied the doctor.
The doctor examined my wife and told her that she only had 4 minutes to live. " Can you give me anything doctor" she asked. The doctor replied "How about a boiled egg?".
A man went to the doctors and was told that he only had 3 months left to live. He
was unable to settle his medical bill so the doctor gave him another 3 months.
My Grandpa went to the doctor for an examination and the doctor said
" Everything's fine. you should live to be 65". "But I'm 66" said my Grandpa
"See" said the doctor " told you so".
Doctor Patient Jokes
I went to see the doctor last week and he said to me "Mr Smith, I haven't seen you for
ages". "I know" I replied "I've not been well".
A man went to the doctor and said " Doctor I've injured my arm in two places". The
Doctor replied "Well don't back to those two places again".
My brother went to see the Doctor last week and was told "You should go to Brighton, its brilliant for a cold. So he went ... and got one.
My eccentric aunt went to see the doctor with some custard in one ear and some jelly in the other ear. "What appears to be the trouble Mrs. Jackson" asked the doctor.
"Speak up doc" said my Aunt "I'm a trifle deaf.
I went to see the doctor last week and he said to me "Mr Smith, I haven't seen you for
ages". "I know" I replied "I've not been well".
A man went to the doctor and said " Doctor I've injured my arm in two places". The
Doctor replied "Well don't back to those two places again".
My brother went to see the Doctor last week and was told "You should go to Brighton, its brilliant for a cold. So he went ... and got one.
My eccentric aunt went to see the doctor with some custard in one ear and some jelly in the other ear. "What appears to be the trouble Mrs. Jackson" asked the doctor.
"Speak up doc" said my Aunt "I'm a trifle deaf.
Short Doctor Jokes
Question: Why is that Doctors always seem to know exactly what is wrong with you? Answer: They have a sick sense.
A Doctor asks his female patient "Would you say that you were sexually active?" "No" she replied " I usually just lie there".
A plumber mended a leak at the doctor’s house. The two minute job cost £200. "I
don't charge that much and I am a doctor".
"Neither did I when I was one" said the man "that's why I became a plumber".
My sister went to the doctor complaining of a bad back. The Doctor examined her and
said "It's just down to old age". My sister said that she wanted a second opinion "Okay" said the doctor " you are quite ugly as well".
Question: Why is that Doctors always seem to know exactly what is wrong with you? Answer: They have a sick sense.
A Doctor asks his female patient "Would you say that you were sexually active?" "No" she replied " I usually just lie there".
A plumber mended a leak at the doctor’s house. The two minute job cost £200. "I
don't charge that much and I am a doctor".
"Neither did I when I was one" said the man "that's why I became a plumber".
My sister went to the doctor complaining of a bad back. The Doctor examined her and
said "It's just down to old age". My sister said that she wanted a second opinion "Okay" said the doctor " you are quite ugly as well".
Comical Doctor Jokes
A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him " Has your
injury affected your memory since I saw you last?" "It has" replied the man.
"How?" quizzed the doctor. "I keep forgetting things"
"Can you tell me an instance of something that you can't remember."
I asked my Doctor the other day "Do you think that I should have a child after
38?" The Doctor replied " No, 38 children are more than enough.
My wife went to the doctor last week and asked "I am 4 months pregnant, when do you think the baby will move"? The Doctor replied "If you are lucky, as soon as she finishes college.
I went to see the doctor last week and asked "Our baby boy was born a couple of
weeks ago. When do you think that my wife will start to act and feel normal
again?" The doctor turned to me and said " Hopefully, as soon as he goes to college.
A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him " Has your
injury affected your memory since I saw you last?" "It has" replied the man.
"How?" quizzed the doctor. "I keep forgetting things"
"Can you tell me an instance of something that you can't remember."
I asked my Doctor the other day "Do you think that I should have a child after
38?" The Doctor replied " No, 38 children are more than enough.
My wife went to the doctor last week and asked "I am 4 months pregnant, when do you think the baby will move"? The Doctor replied "If you are lucky, as soon as she finishes college.
I went to see the doctor last week and asked "Our baby boy was born a couple of
weeks ago. When do you think that my wife will start to act and feel normal
again?" The doctor turned to me and said " Hopefully, as soon as he goes to college.
Amusing Doctor Jokes
A man goes to the doctor and says "Help me doctor, I can’t help stealing things"?
"Okay, take these pills twice a day for a week" replied the doctor. "But what if
they don’t work" said the man
"Then get me a 42 inch plasma television".
My brother went to see his doctor last week and said to him "Lapels frighten me".
The doctor replied instantly "I know what the problem is – you’ve got cholera".
A new patient arrived at the local health centre and the receptionist was taking
down some details. " What is your age Mr. Jones" she enquired. "I'm not telling
you" came the reply. "We need to know for our records" said the receptionist
sternly. "Okay take the number 26 and double it and then add 14" said Mr. Jones".
"That equals 66" said the receptionist. "Now take 66 away from that figure and wat do you have" Mr. Jones retorted. "Zero" said the receptionist looking rather puzzled.
"Exactly, and that is what chance you have got of me letting you know my age".
A man goes to the doctor and says "Help me doctor, I can’t help stealing things"?
"Okay, take these pills twice a day for a week" replied the doctor. "But what if
they don’t work" said the man
"Then get me a 42 inch plasma television".
My brother went to see his doctor last week and said to him "Lapels frighten me".
The doctor replied instantly "I know what the problem is – you’ve got cholera".
A new patient arrived at the local health centre and the receptionist was taking
down some details. " What is your age Mr. Jones" she enquired. "I'm not telling
you" came the reply. "We need to know for our records" said the receptionist
sternly. "Okay take the number 26 and double it and then add 14" said Mr. Jones".
"That equals 66" said the receptionist. "Now take 66 away from that figure and wat do you have" Mr. Jones retorted. "Zero" said the receptionist looking rather puzzled.
"Exactly, and that is what chance you have got of me letting you know my age".
Doc
After a consult, the doctor says:
I’ve got good news misses Darwin
Miss Darwin....
Oh...Then I have bad news Miss Darwin...
A guy goes to the cardiologist.
“Is it serious doctor?”
“Yes it is, but if I cannot help you I am sure my father will.”
“Oh, that means he is a doctor too!”
“No he is not! He is a priest!”
Doc, What sickness did you say I have? Taurus, Aries, Libra?
No! Cancer!
After a consult, the doctor says:
I’ve got good news misses Darwin
Miss Darwin....
Oh...Then I have bad news Miss Darwin...
A guy goes to the cardiologist.
“Is it serious doctor?”
“Yes it is, but if I cannot help you I am sure my father will.”
“Oh, that means he is a doctor too!”
“No he is not! He is a priest!”
Doc, What sickness did you say I have? Taurus, Aries, Libra?
No! Cancer!
Funniest
A man goes to the doctor one day with insomnia.
Doc, I can’t sleep at all!
Well I have exactly the cure for you! You go home and drink scotch until you fall asleep.
And what if I won’t be able to sleep this way either?
After so many glasses of scotch do you think you’ll still care?
A woman goes at the doctor:
Doc, please help me I’ve tried everything, but I can’t get pregnant.
It may be a hereditary problem! Did your mother have kids?
In a chemistry lab, the doctor asks his assistant:
Please give me the sulphuric acid bottle
It’s empty sir,
Damn! They drank my scotch again!
Hey Doc! I think I sleep talk!
What makes you think that?
I wake up hoarse every morning
Doctors are of three kinds:
Interns: they know a lot but do very little
Surgeons: they know very little but do a lot
Hygienists: they don’t do anything, but don’t let the others work either.
A man goes to the doctor one day with insomnia.
Doc, I can’t sleep at all!
Well I have exactly the cure for you! You go home and drink scotch until you fall asleep.
And what if I won’t be able to sleep this way either?
After so many glasses of scotch do you think you’ll still care?
A woman goes at the doctor:
Doc, please help me I’ve tried everything, but I can’t get pregnant.
It may be a hereditary problem! Did your mother have kids?
In a chemistry lab, the doctor asks his assistant:
Please give me the sulphuric acid bottle
It’s empty sir,
Damn! They drank my scotch again!
Hey Doc! I think I sleep talk!
What makes you think that?
I wake up hoarse every morning
Doctors are of three kinds:
Interns: they know a lot but do very little
Surgeons: they know very little but do a lot
Hygienists: they don’t do anything, but don’t let the others work either.
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