Marriage Jokes brings about the hilarious side of marriage which is one event in life which is most ridiculed and made fun of. Married persons will understand the jokes better but anyone in general can see the funnier side of this special relationship in these jokes. Hen pecked husbands, cheating wives and trouble some mother-in-laws are all a part of life.
Wife Joke
My wife looks like a bottle of coke. Earlier it was 300ml, now its a 2 litre bottle.
Hilarious Husband and Wife Joke
Husband: Do you know that on an average women read between 10000 to 35000 words a day?
Wife: Yes, that is because they have to repeat everything often to men.
Husband: What?
Funny Wife
Judge: Why did you beat your husband's head with a chair?
Wife: Because the table was a bit too heavy for me to lift.
Funny Husband
Man1: I am going to be a father.
Man2: Your wife should be happy now I guess.
Man1: The problem is she doesnt know about it.
Funny Quote
You know the happy marriage is over when the husband calls home and says that he will be coming home late for dinner and the answering machine tells that the dinner is in the microwave oven.
Quote
My wife and me were happy for twenty two years. Then we got married to each other.
Marriage Joke
Beggar to a lady: You look like an angel. Kindly give some alms to this blind beggar.
Wife: Look how he is trying to cheat telling he is blind.
Husband: He sure should be blind.
Wife: How do you say?
Husband: He told that you look like an angel.
Funny Joke
Man1: How do you please your wife?
Man2: When you are wrong, admit it. When you are right, shut up.
Hilarious Husband
Man1: My wife says that if I drink once more, she is going to leave me.
Man2: Oh!
Man1: Am going to miss her.
Kid Joke
Boy: Mom, why do women wear white dress during the marriage?
Mom: Because its the happiest and best day in their life.
Boy: Then why do men wear black dress?
Husband and Wife
Wife: I have a happy news for you. Soon we will be three of us in the house instead of two.
Husband: Wow!
Wife: Yes, my mom is coming to stay with us.
Hilarious Joke
Wife: Do you know that the guy next door kisses his wife three times a day, gives here roses every evening. Why dont you be also like that?
Husband: Well, I can try as long as he allows me to kiss her.
Quote
What is marriage?
Marriage isnt just a word. Its a sentence... its a 'Life Sentence'.
Ring Joke
Marriage is made up of three rings. The first one is called as the 'Engagement Ring', the second one is called as the 'Wedding Ring' and the third one is called as the 'Suffering'.
Hilarious Joke
Good friends are the ones who stand behind you during your bad times.
To find them, just look at your marriage photo album.
Love Vs. Marriage
What is the difference between Love and Marriage?
Love is a sweet dream while Marriage is the alarm clock.
Love is BLIND but Marriage is the Eye Opener!
Funny Husband and Wife Joke
My wife ran away with one of my best friends last month.
Oh!, how I miss my friend.
Hilarious
Husband and Wife were driving through a highway when they saw soime donkeys.
Husband: Are those donkeys your relatives?
Wife: Yes, kind of. They are my in-laws.
Funny Husband
Man1: What is the secret of your marriage?
Man2: We go to the retaurant, have a candle light dinner and walk back home. I go on Fridays while she goes on Sundays.
Marriage Joke
Man1: When ever I feel stressed or tensed in office, I just look at my wife's photo and all problems disappear.
Man2: Wow!
Man1: The thing is, I look at her photo and think
"No other problem can be greater than this".
Wife Joke
My wife looks like a bottle of coke. Earlier it was 300ml, now its a 2 litre bottle.
Hilarious Husband and Wife Joke
Husband: Do you know that on an average women read between 10000 to 35000 words a day?
Wife: Yes, that is because they have to repeat everything often to men.
Husband: What?
Funny Wife
Judge: Why did you beat your husband's head with a chair?
Wife: Because the table was a bit too heavy for me to lift.
Funny Husband
Man1: I am going to be a father.
Man2: Your wife should be happy now I guess.
Man1: The problem is she doesnt know about it.
Funny Quote
You know the happy marriage is over when the husband calls home and says that he will be coming home late for dinner and the answering machine tells that the dinner is in the microwave oven.
Quote
My wife and me were happy for twenty two years. Then we got married to each other.
Marriage Joke
Beggar to a lady: You look like an angel. Kindly give some alms to this blind beggar.
Wife: Look how he is trying to cheat telling he is blind.
Husband: He sure should be blind.
Wife: How do you say?
Husband: He told that you look like an angel.
Funny Joke
Man1: How do you please your wife?
Man2: When you are wrong, admit it. When you are right, shut up.
Hilarious Husband
Man1: My wife says that if I drink once more, she is going to leave me.
Man2: Oh!
Man1: Am going to miss her.
Kid Joke
Boy: Mom, why do women wear white dress during the marriage?
Mom: Because its the happiest and best day in their life.
Boy: Then why do men wear black dress?
Husband and Wife
Wife: I have a happy news for you. Soon we will be three of us in the house instead of two.
Husband: Wow!
Wife: Yes, my mom is coming to stay with us.
Hilarious Joke
Wife: Do you know that the guy next door kisses his wife three times a day, gives here roses every evening. Why dont you be also like that?
Husband: Well, I can try as long as he allows me to kiss her.
Quote
What is marriage?
Marriage isnt just a word. Its a sentence... its a 'Life Sentence'.
Ring Joke
Marriage is made up of three rings. The first one is called as the 'Engagement Ring', the second one is called as the 'Wedding Ring' and the third one is called as the 'Suffering'.
Hilarious Joke
Good friends are the ones who stand behind you during your bad times.
To find them, just look at your marriage photo album.
Love Vs. Marriage
What is the difference between Love and Marriage?
Love is a sweet dream while Marriage is the alarm clock.
Love is BLIND but Marriage is the Eye Opener!
Funny Husband and Wife Joke
My wife ran away with one of my best friends last month.
Oh!, how I miss my friend.
Hilarious
Husband and Wife were driving through a highway when they saw soime donkeys.
Husband: Are those donkeys your relatives?
Wife: Yes, kind of. They are my in-laws.
Funny Husband
Man1: What is the secret of your marriage?
Man2: We go to the retaurant, have a candle light dinner and walk back home. I go on Fridays while she goes on Sundays.
Marriage Joke
Man1: When ever I feel stressed or tensed in office, I just look at my wife's photo and all problems disappear.
Man2: Wow!
Man1: The thing is, I look at her photo and think
"No other problem can be greater than this".
Marriage Jokes
Yoga Teacher-Has yoga any effect over your husbands drinking habit?
Women-Yes, now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.
Doctor: Your wife's operation will cost a lot. Are you sure you want me to go ahead?
Husband: Whether you cure her or kill her, you will sure get your money.
The wife died after the operation.
Doctor: I am sorry this happened but you will have to pay me for the operation.
Husband: Did you cure my wife?
Doctor: No
Husband: Did you kill my wife?
Doctor: No, not at all.
Husband: Well then, why should I pay you then?
Before marriage a man should think twice before speaking something.
After marriage a man should think twice before speaking nothing.
An elderly couple in a hotel reception desk: "Can you please give us a single bed room?"
Receptionist: "Sorry sir, we have only a double bed room free"
Wife: "Well then, please place the beds together."
Everyone smiled at their affection.
The Wife continued: "So that I can punch him if he starts snoring".
Yoga Teacher-Has yoga any effect over your husbands drinking habit?
Women-Yes, now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.
Doctor: Your wife's operation will cost a lot. Are you sure you want me to go ahead?
Husband: Whether you cure her or kill her, you will sure get your money.
The wife died after the operation.
Doctor: I am sorry this happened but you will have to pay me for the operation.
Husband: Did you cure my wife?
Doctor: No
Husband: Did you kill my wife?
Doctor: No, not at all.
Husband: Well then, why should I pay you then?
Before marriage a man should think twice before speaking something.
After marriage a man should think twice before speaking nothing.
An elderly couple in a hotel reception desk: "Can you please give us a single bed room?"
Receptionist: "Sorry sir, we have only a double bed room free"
Wife: "Well then, please place the beds together."
Everyone smiled at their affection.
The Wife continued: "So that I can punch him if he starts snoring".
Funny Marriage Jokes
Man 1: I can either marry a filthy rich, old, ugly looking widow who will leave me a fortune or a beautiful, pretty but penniless girl whom I have to support for life. What do you suggest will be the best option for me?
Man 2: Follow your heart and you will live happily ever after.
Man 1: Hmm, okay, I will do that. Now where did I keep the widow's address?
A wife gave her husband a wooden box and asked him to open it after she dies. After thirty years, she died and her husband opened the wooden box. There were three pens and twenty thousand dollars along with a note. The husband read the note:
"Dear, I am sorry. Every time I cheated on you, I bought a pen and kept it inside this wooden box"
The husband was moved and thought, "Not as bad as me. Just three times in these thirty years".
Then he read the postscript on the note: "And every time I got a dozen pens, I sold them and kept the money in the box".
A wife was shouting angrily at her husband, "If my father hadn't given his money for our marriage, we wouldn't have got this LCD TV, car or even the luxury furniture".
Her husband replied, "Well, if your father hadn't given the money, I wouldn't be here".
We are the ideal husband and wife. My wife does not trust me and I don't understand her.
Lady 1: If you don't like your husband why don't you just leave him and go.
Lady 2: Well, I don't like doing anything that will make him happy.
Man 1: I can either marry a filthy rich, old, ugly looking widow who will leave me a fortune or a beautiful, pretty but penniless girl whom I have to support for life. What do you suggest will be the best option for me?
Man 2: Follow your heart and you will live happily ever after.
Man 1: Hmm, okay, I will do that. Now where did I keep the widow's address?
A wife gave her husband a wooden box and asked him to open it after she dies. After thirty years, she died and her husband opened the wooden box. There were three pens and twenty thousand dollars along with a note. The husband read the note:
"Dear, I am sorry. Every time I cheated on you, I bought a pen and kept it inside this wooden box"
The husband was moved and thought, "Not as bad as me. Just three times in these thirty years".
Then he read the postscript on the note: "And every time I got a dozen pens, I sold them and kept the money in the box".
A wife was shouting angrily at her husband, "If my father hadn't given his money for our marriage, we wouldn't have got this LCD TV, car or even the luxury furniture".
Her husband replied, "Well, if your father hadn't given the money, I wouldn't be here".
We are the ideal husband and wife. My wife does not trust me and I don't understand her.
Lady 1: If you don't like your husband why don't you just leave him and go.
Lady 2: Well, I don't like doing anything that will make him happy.
Hilarious Marriage Jokes
How to live longer?
Just get married; every hour of listening to your wife will seem like eternity.
The groom's uncle said, "Good luck young man. A few years down the line you will look back on today and think that it was the happiest day of your life".
Groom: Uncle, did you mean tomorrow? I am getting married only tomorrow.
Uncle: I know that.
Advice to a young man getting married:
First ten years, it will be tri-weekly.
Next ten years, it will be try weekly.
The next twenty years, it will be try weakly!
How to live longer?
Just get married; every hour of listening to your wife will seem like eternity.
The groom's uncle said, "Good luck young man. A few years down the line you will look back on today and think that it was the happiest day of your life".
Groom: Uncle, did you mean tomorrow? I am getting married only tomorrow.
Uncle: I know that.
Advice to a young man getting married:
First ten years, it will be tri-weekly.
Next ten years, it will be try weekly.
The next twenty years, it will be try weakly!
Husband and Wife
Wife: Didn't you marry me just because my father left me a fortune?
Husband: Absolutely not dear. I would have married you regardless of who left you a fortune.
Wife: You never tell good words about my relatives but keep praising your relatives.
Husband: ok, I agree that your in-laws are better than my in-laws.
Husband and Wife were not talking to each other and only left notes.
Husband pinned a note to the bed: I have to leave early to office tomorrow. Wake me up at 6.
The husband woke up at 7 the next day and found his wife's note: its 6 o'clock. Wake up.
Friend 1: How is your headache John?
Friend 2: It's out shopping now.
Wife: Didn't you marry me just because my father left me a fortune?
Husband: Absolutely not dear. I would have married you regardless of who left you a fortune.
Wife: You never tell good words about my relatives but keep praising your relatives.
Husband: ok, I agree that your in-laws are better than my in-laws.
Husband and Wife were not talking to each other and only left notes.
Husband pinned a note to the bed: I have to leave early to office tomorrow. Wake me up at 6.
The husband woke up at 7 the next day and found his wife's note: its 6 o'clock. Wake up.
Friend 1: How is your headache John?
Friend 2: It's out shopping now.
Funny Husbad and Wife Marriage Jokes
Lady 1: I think that my husband is cheating on me.
Lady 2: How did you conclude that?
Lady 1: Yesterday he said that he was with John last night for a party. But I was with John last night.
Man 1: I want to marry a girl who is smart, knows to cook, looks beautiful and will care for me.
Man 2: Well then, make up your mind which one of these three you want to marry.
Wife to husband: What a coincidence! You forgot to wish me on my birthday and I forgot how to cook!
There are three kinds of wives:
The beautiful, the caring and the majority.
Lady 1: My husband is known for his rare gifts.
Lady 2: Wow that is so good of him.
Lady 1: Well, I haven't received one in years.
Lady 1: I think that my husband is cheating on me.
Lady 2: How did you conclude that?
Lady 1: Yesterday he said that he was with John last night for a party. But I was with John last night.
Man 1: I want to marry a girl who is smart, knows to cook, looks beautiful and will care for me.
Man 2: Well then, make up your mind which one of these three you want to marry.
Wife to husband: What a coincidence! You forgot to wish me on my birthday and I forgot how to cook!
There are three kinds of wives:
The beautiful, the caring and the majority.
Lady 1: My husband is known for his rare gifts.
Lady 2: Wow that is so good of him.
Lady 1: Well, I haven't received one in years.
Law of 2nd Marrige
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A:Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A:Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
Joke Yoga
Yoga Teacher-Has yoga any effect over your husbands drinking habit?
Women-Yes, now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.
Yoga Teacher-Has yoga any effect over your husbands drinking habit?
Women-Yes, now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.
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