The Smart Bihari
There was this Bihari who was travelling with two ticketsWhen the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets.
This fellow answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them,
so the T.T.E said what if you lose both of them,
so this guy said then why do I have a monthly pass.
WHy are the residents of Jharkand happy ?
Because, from now onwards they won't be called Biharis...
Bihar Engineering College Entrance Exam Instructions
1) Read each question carefully
2) Answer all questions.
3) Time Limit 3 weeks.
4) Begin immediately.
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions OR Give the first name of Bill Clinton.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army (d) WRITE A PLAY.
4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one) (a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic.
5. Metric conversion: how many feet are in 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners
9. Give the spellings of Bush, Carter and Clinton.
10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from? (a) Earth (b) Moon (c) Sun (d) Sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? (a) Yes (b) No
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The Star Spangled Banner is the American National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium OR spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three-storey building located?
17. Which part of America produces the most Florida oranges? (a) New York (b) Florida (c) Canada (d) Wisconsin
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?
19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?
Independence Day Speech
A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai.
He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as was the practice in the school, was asked to address the school assembly on Independence Day.
Here's his dynamite speech :
Leddies and Gentulmens, Contemporaries, Children, "This is my first maiden speech. If small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon.
Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following reason. Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on stationmaster. He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed her for long time and at last with great difficulty she gave a birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the stationmaster because he was responsible for getting birth of my son.
We got independent because of great leadersz linke Gundhiji who get-outted all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said Swaraj is our birth rate and we shall halve it.
Today we all have our birth-rate.You children are future dynamic generators of the Nation. Look into future time only. No backside looking, or looking at your behind.
Be like great like X' raj Ranjan of Germany or Presidents like Loosebelt, Dim Butter, Lipton etc. You know genius, no? It is one per cent perspiration and ninety seven percent evaporation.
They became great by reading great books. After we finish you off here in the school, you can go to college and get B.A., M.A., M.A.M.A and other decrease.
Then you can become great liars in the supreme courts, shattered accountants, or lecherers in college.
The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, classroom is the soil. We will bury you in this soil, pour water of knowledge on your heads and one-day you all will become great phools.
Many vacancy job come in papers. Only yesterday I saw in paper "Wanted for refuted engineering firm: - Generators, highpower condensors" so and so forth, etc. These jobs may be teknickel, but you can shine.
If you have flare in English, you can become teacher.
I am now ending this fastly.
My God blast you!
Thank you and thank God!
Two Biharis talking to each other
" Aaj Mother teresa a rahen hai Kennedy Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge na , hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp pe lene aienge, so this fellow didn't know who is Mother Teresa and replied back, " nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum Englis film nahin dekhte hain.
A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills:
Bhai ek Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is no brand by the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted and said I want one
Will, so the person told him unless you say it correctly i.e Wills I won't sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad and said
"Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang rahen hain".
Bihari goes to Delhi
The poor fellow hadn't seen all this ever before.
So when he came back to Aligarh people asked him as to how did he likeDelhi, he was too excited and said :
yaar delhi to buhat top ka laga, pura delhi chamak chamak raha tha, sab kuch jagmaga raha tha, sab shine maar raha tha lekin yaar ek cheez hum understand nahin kar paye, yeh itta barka barka speed breaker kahe ko bana diya hai (he couldn't figure out what is a flyover).
Bihari Goes To The Movie
The person at the window tells him that there is a house full, so this Bihari says koi baat nahin do house full de do.
Headache
Saala pura body headache maar raha hai
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