Test your IQ with the question below:
There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...answer is at the bottom of the page........
Top 45 Oxymoron's:
45. Act naturally
44. Found missing
43. Resident alien
42. Advanced BASIC
41. Genuine imitation
40. Airline Food
39. Good grief
38. Same difference
37. Almost exactly
36. Government organization
35. Sanitary landfill
34. Alone together
33. Legally drunk
32. Silent scream
31. Living dead
30. Small crowd
29. Business ethics
28. Soft rock
27. Butt Head
26. Military Intelligence
25. Software documentation
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct Life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
9. Political science
8. Tight slacks
7. Definite maybe
6. Pretty ugly
5. Twelve-ounce pound cake
4. Diet ice cream
3. Working vacation
2. Exact estimate
1. Microsoft Works
45. Act naturally
44. Found missing
43. Resident alien
42. Advanced BASIC
41. Genuine imitation
40. Airline Food
39. Good grief
38. Same difference
37. Almost exactly
36. Government organization
35. Sanitary landfill
34. Alone together
33. Legally drunk
32. Silent scream
31. Living dead
30. Small crowd
29. Business ethics
28. Soft rock
27. Butt Head
26. Military Intelligence
25. Software documentation
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct Life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
9. Political science
8. Tight slacks
7. Definite maybe
6. Pretty ugly
5. Twelve-ounce pound cake
4. Diet ice cream
3. Working vacation
2. Exact estimate
1. Microsoft Works
So of course it's difficult to learn the English language.......and
learning to spell can be pure guess work.......
a. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
b. A backward poet writes inverse.
c. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
d. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
e. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
f. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
g. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
h. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
i. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
j. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
k. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
l. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
m. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
n. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
o. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
p. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
q. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
r. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
s. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
t. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
u. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
v. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
w. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
x. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
y. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
z. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
aa. Every calendar's days are numbered.
ab. A lot of money is tainted - 'taint yours and 'taint mine.
ac. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
ad. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
ae. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
af. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium
at large.
ag. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the
end.
ah. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
ai. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
aj. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
ak. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
learning to spell can be pure guess work.......
a. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
b. A backward poet writes inverse.
c. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
d. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
e. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
f. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
g. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
h. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
i. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
j. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
k. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
l. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
m. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
n. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
o. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
p. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
q. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
r. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
s. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
t. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
u. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
v. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
w. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
x. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
y. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
z. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
aa. Every calendar's days are numbered.
ab. A lot of money is tainted - 'taint yours and 'taint mine.
ac. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
ad. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
ae. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
af. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium
at large.
ag. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the
end.
ah. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
ai. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
aj. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
ak. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Letter of Recommendation -
While working with Mr. Xxxxxx, I have always found him
working studiously and sincerely at his table without
gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom
wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always
finishes the given assignment in time. He is always
deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be
found chitchatting in the canteen. He has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound
knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be
classed as outstanding, and should on no account be
dispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr. Xxxxxx should be
pushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to management be
sent away as soon as possible.
Branch Manager
A second note following the report:
Mr. X was present when I was writing the report mailed to you
today. Kindly read only the alternate lines 1, 3, 5, 7, 9,.......
for my true assessment of him.
Regards,
Branch Manager
While working with Mr. Xxxxxx, I have always found him
working studiously and sincerely at his table without
gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom
wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always
finishes the given assignment in time. He is always
deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be
found chitchatting in the canteen. He has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound
knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be
classed as outstanding, and should on no account be
dispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr. Xxxxxx should be
pushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to management be
sent away as soon as possible.
Branch Manager
A second note following the report:
Mr. X was present when I was writing the report mailed to you
today. Kindly read only the alternate lines 1, 3, 5, 7, 9,.......
for my true assessment of him.
Regards,
Branch Manager
Only In America
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to
describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning bloodsucking creatures'.
describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
11. Only in America......can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House.
I.Q. Test Answer......
He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.
25 SIGNS THAT YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 90s
1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
3. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time to eat. He
emails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?"
4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but
you haven't spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year.
6. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if
it contains Echinacea.
7. You check your blow-dryer to see if it's Y2K compliant.
8. Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail inbox asking you to send her
a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
9. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
anyone is home.
10. Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the
bottom of the screen.
11. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now
sells for half the price you paid.
12. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to
make a purchase is foreign to you.
13. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out
of the back seat of your car.
14. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do
not have e-mail addresses.
15. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
16. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.
17. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.
18. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
19. You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.
20. You turn off your Modem and get this awful feeling, as if you just
pulled the plug on a loved one.
21. You get up in morning and go online before getting your coffee.
22. You wake up at 2am to go to the bathroom and check your E-mail on
your way back to bed.
23.You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
24. You're reading this.
25. Even worse; you're going to forward it to someone else.
Humor: Professional Test
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a "professional". Scroll down for the answers after you have thought about it. The questions are not that difficult.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a "professional". Scroll down for the answers after you have thought about it. The questions are not that difficult.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator ?
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator ?
Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions, correctly you still have one more chance to show your abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions, correctly you still have one more chance to show your abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Andersen Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have
the brains of a four year old.
According to Andersen Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have
the brains of a four year old.
Humor
In Bill Gates' book, Business @ The Speed of Thought, he lays out 11
rules that students do not learn in high school or college, but should.
He argues that our feel-good, politically correct teachings have created a generation of kids with no concept of reality who are set up for failure in the real world.
RULE 1 - Life is not fair; get used to it.
RULE 2 - The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will
expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
rules that students do not learn in high school or college, but should.
He argues that our feel-good, politically correct teachings have created a generation of kids with no concept of reality who are set up for failure in the real world.
RULE 1 - Life is not fair; get used to it.
RULE 2 - The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will
expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
RULE 3 - You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of
high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.
RULE 4 - If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.
RULE 5 - Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity.
RULE 6 - If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
RULE 7 - Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try "delousing" the closet in your own room.
RULE 8 - Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
RULE 9 - Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off
and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do
that on your own time.
RULE 10 - Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have
to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
RULE 11 - Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.
RULE 4 - If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.
RULE 5 - Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity.
RULE 6 - If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
RULE 7 - Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try "delousing" the closet in your own room.
RULE 8 - Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
RULE 9 - Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off
and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do
that on your own time.
RULE 10 - Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have
to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
RULE 11 - Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
This was in the "Bob Levey's Washington" column in the Washington Post. Every year he compiles and prints the "Best T-shirts of the Summer":
1) (around a picture of dandelions) I Fought the Lawn and the Lawn Won
2) So many Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me
3) I Suffer Occasional Delusions of Adequacy
4) God Made Us Sisters, Prozac Made Us Friends
5) If They Don't Have Chocolate In Heaven, I Ain't Going
6) At My Age, I've Seen It All, Done It All, Heard It All...
I Just Can't Remember It All
7) My Mother Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips
8) I Just Do What The Voices Inside My Head Tell Me To Do
9) (Worn by a pregnant woman) A Man Did This To Me, Oprah
10) If It's Called Tourist Season, Why Can't We Hunt Them?
1) (around a picture of dandelions) I Fought the Lawn and the Lawn Won
2) So many Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me
3) I Suffer Occasional Delusions of Adequacy
4) God Made Us Sisters, Prozac Made Us Friends
5) If They Don't Have Chocolate In Heaven, I Ain't Going
6) At My Age, I've Seen It All, Done It All, Heard It All...
I Just Can't Remember It All
7) My Mother Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips
8) I Just Do What The Voices Inside My Head Tell Me To Do
9) (Worn by a pregnant woman) A Man Did This To Me, Oprah
10) If It's Called Tourist Season, Why Can't We Hunt Them?
The things that prove you're a New Yorker....
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means
Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State
Building.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4. Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
5. The subway makes sense.
6. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
makes you multi-lingual.
7. You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple".
8. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
9. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.
10. You consider Westchester "Upstate".
11. You think Central Park is "nature."
12. You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer's speaking.
13. You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and
you think it's a "steal."
14. You've been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.
15. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the
U.S. pay in rent.
16. You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you
went away to camp as a kid.
17. You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.
18. Your closet is filled with black clothes.
19. You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since 1977, and when you did, it terrified you.
20. You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.
21. You take fashion seriously.
22. Being truly alone makes you nervous.
23. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
24. Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip."
25. America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.
26. You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form.
27. You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
28. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your
toes.
29. $50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.
30. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.
31. You don't hear sirens anymore.
32. You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air quality
and what it's doing to your lungs.
33. You live in a building with a larger population than most American
towns.
34. Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is
Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your
favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the
watch seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means
Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State
Building.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4. Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
5. The subway makes sense.
6. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
makes you multi-lingual.
7. You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple".
8. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
9. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.
10. You consider Westchester "Upstate".
11. You think Central Park is "nature."
12. You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer's speaking.
13. You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and
you think it's a "steal."
14. You've been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.
15. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the
U.S. pay in rent.
16. You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you
went away to camp as a kid.
17. You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.
18. Your closet is filled with black clothes.
19. You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since 1977, and when you did, it terrified you.
20. You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.
21. You take fashion seriously.
22. Being truly alone makes you nervous.
23. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
24. Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip."
25. America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.
26. You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form.
27. You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
28. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your
toes.
29. $50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.
30. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.
31. You don't hear sirens anymore.
32. You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air quality
and what it's doing to your lungs.
33. You live in a building with a larger population than most American
towns.
34. Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is
Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your
favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the
watch seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.
Dilbert's latest vocabulary additions
BLAMESTORMING
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a
project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and
then leaves.
CHAINSAW CONSULTANT
An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
CUBE FARM
An office filled with cubicles.
IDEA HAMSTERS
People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
MOUSE POTATO
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
PRAIRIE DOGGING
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMs
(Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn
into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
SQUIRT THE BIRD
To transmit a signal to a satellite.
STARTER MARRIAGE
A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
STRESS PUPPY
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
SWIPED OUT
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
TOURISTS
People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs.
"We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just
tourists.
TREEWARE
Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
XEROX SUBSIDY
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
GOING POSTAL
Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.
ALPHA GEEK
The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.
ASSMOSIS
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
CHIPS & SALSA
Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa.
FLIGHT RISK
Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.
GOOD JOB
A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" Job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay
off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
IRRITAINMENT
Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find your-self unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. Bill Clinton's shameful video Grand Jury testimony is another.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
UNINSTALLED
Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a vice-president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. *(Syn: decruitment.)
VULCAN NERVE PINCH
The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command Key and the Power On key.
YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS
The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, "We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
SALMON DAY
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CLM - Career Limiting Move
Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
ADMINISPHERE
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
DILBERTED
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
"Don't bother asking him . . . he's 404, man."
GENERICA
Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. Used as in "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in."
OHNOSECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
UMFRIEND
A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dylan, my ... um ... friend".
BLAMESTORMING
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a
project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and
then leaves.
CHAINSAW CONSULTANT
An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
CUBE FARM
An office filled with cubicles.
IDEA HAMSTERS
People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
MOUSE POTATO
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
PRAIRIE DOGGING
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMs
(Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn
into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
SQUIRT THE BIRD
To transmit a signal to a satellite.
STARTER MARRIAGE
A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
STRESS PUPPY
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
SWIPED OUT
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
TOURISTS
People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs.
"We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just
tourists.
TREEWARE
Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
XEROX SUBSIDY
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
GOING POSTAL
Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.
ALPHA GEEK
The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.
ASSMOSIS
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
CHIPS & SALSA
Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa.
FLIGHT RISK
Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.
GOOD JOB
A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" Job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay
off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
IRRITAINMENT
Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find your-self unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. Bill Clinton's shameful video Grand Jury testimony is another.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
UNINSTALLED
Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a vice-president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. *(Syn: decruitment.)
VULCAN NERVE PINCH
The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command Key and the Power On key.
YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS
The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, "We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
SALMON DAY
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CLM - Career Limiting Move
Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
ADMINISPHERE
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
DILBERTED
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
"Don't bother asking him . . . he's 404, man."
GENERICA
Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. Used as in "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in."
OHNOSECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
UMFRIEND
A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dylan, my ... um ... friend".
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