Animal Jokes are funny and crazy jokes about cats, cows, lions, tigers and vampire bats. These jokes about animals are sure to tickle your funny bones. Animal jokes also contain jokes about birds and insects.
Hilarious Duck
The bartender says, "No, we have cherries and grapes but no olives."
"Oh," says the duck and leaves. Five minutes later the duck returns and say to the same barman,
"Have you got any olives?"
"I told you before, we have cherries and grapes, but WE DON'T HAVE OLIVES!" says the barman.
"Oh," says the duck and leaves. Another five minutes later the duck comes back a third time and again asks, "Have you got any olives?"
"Look, " screams the barman. "For the last time WE HAVE NO OLIVES!, we will never have ANY OLIVES and if you ask me once more, I am going to nail your webbed feet to the floor!!!"
"Oh," said the duck and left. Five minutes later, the door opened and there was the duck. The barman is absolutely furious. He slams a bottle of beer on the bar, stares at the duck and screams:
"WHAT NOW???!!" "Uh...uh...have ...you ...got...any....NAILS?"
"Nails? Nails? No, we haven’t got any nails," answered the barman
"Okay," said the duck. "So, have you got any olives?"
The bartender says, "No, we have cherries and grapes but no olives."
"Oh," says the duck and leaves. Five minutes later the duck returns and say to the same barman,
"Have you got any olives?"
"I told you before, we have cherries and grapes, but WE DON'T HAVE OLIVES!" says the barman.
"Oh," says the duck and leaves. Another five minutes later the duck comes back a third time and again asks, "Have you got any olives?"
"Look, " screams the barman. "For the last time WE HAVE NO OLIVES!, we will never have ANY OLIVES and if you ask me once more, I am going to nail your webbed feet to the floor!!!"
"Oh," said the duck and left. Five minutes later, the door opened and there was the duck. The barman is absolutely furious. He slams a bottle of beer on the bar, stares at the duck and screams:
"WHAT NOW???!!" "Uh...uh...have ...you ...got...any....NAILS?"
"Nails? Nails? No, we haven’t got any nails," answered the barman
"Okay," said the duck. "So, have you got any olives?"
Animal Jokes
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked "Any idea how to drive this thing?"
A Turtle was walking along a New York street when it was attacked by a group of snails.
When asked what happened, the Turtle told the Police "I have no idea. It all happened so quickly".
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked "Any idea how to drive this thing?"
A Turtle was walking along a New York street when it was attacked by a group of snails.
When asked what happened, the Turtle told the Police "I have no idea. It all happened so quickly".
Ants joke
Ther are three ants swiming.
Two ants are swiming regularly and third ant put his left hand up and swiming why?
becoz the ant's watch is not water proof
Submitted by Harini on 10-Nov-2009
Ther are three ants swiming.
Two ants are swiming regularly and third ant put his left hand up and swiming why?
becoz the ant's watch is not water proof
Submitted by Harini on 10-Nov-2009
Ant Joke
What do you find in a beach where ants go?
Micro-waves!
What do you find in a beach where ants go?
Micro-waves!
Dog Joke
Which degree did the dog get?
A pedigree.
Which degree did the dog get?
A pedigree.
Literate Bird
Which bird wrote a book?
A Penguin.
Which bird wrote a book?
A Penguin.
Strongest Bird
Which bird is the weightlifting champion?
A Crane.
Which bird is the weightlifting champion?
A Crane.
Vampire Dog Joke
Which dog do vampires like?
Bloodhound
Which dog do vampires like?
Bloodhound
Firefly Joke
How do fireflies say tata?
Got to glow now.
How do fireflies say tata?
Got to glow now.
Donkey Animal Joke
How do you pull out your front teeth for free?
Smack a donkey's back.
How do you pull out your front teeth for free?
Smack a donkey's back.
Animal Joke
Which dog will tell you the time?
A watch dog.
Which dog will tell you the time?
A watch dog.
Hummingbird Joke
Why do humming birds hum?
Because they dont know the lyrics.
Why do humming birds hum?
Because they dont know the lyrics.
Birds Joke
Why do animals fly south during the winter?
Because they cant walk so far.
Why do animals fly south during the winter?
Because they cant walk so far.
Chicken Road Joke
Why did the chicken cross the dirty road two times?
Because it was a dirty double-crosser.
Why did the chicken cross the dirty road two times?
Because it was a dirty double-crosser.
Chicken Joke
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To reach the other side ofcourse!.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To reach the other side ofcourse!.
Doberman Joke
How do you give a tail to a Doberman?
Take it to a 'retail' store.
How do you give a tail to a Doberman?
Take it to a 'retail' store.
Cat Vs. Comma Joke
Whats the diff between a cat and a comma?
A 'Cat' has the paws before the claws while a 'Comma' has the clause before the pause.
Whats the diff between a cat and a comma?
A 'Cat' has the paws before the claws while a 'Comma' has the clause before the pause.
Vampire Bat Joke
Male vampire bat goes in search of blood to drink and returns in 2 minutes with lots of blood in its mouth.
Female Bat: How did you manage to get so much blood in 2 minutes?
Male Bat: Do you see the black wall over there?
Female Bat: Yeah
Male Bat: Well, I didnt.
Male vampire bat goes in search of blood to drink and returns in 2 minutes with lots of blood in its mouth.
Female Bat: How did you manage to get so much blood in 2 minutes?
Male Bat: Do you see the black wall over there?
Female Bat: Yeah
Male Bat: Well, I didnt.
Funny
Cow 1: Did you see the news? The mad cow disease is affecting many cows making them to go mad.
Cow 2: Yeah, I saw it on TV. Thankfully it wont affect us donkeys.
Three birds walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.
Bird watcher 1: What sort of bird is that?
Bird watcher 2: A gulp.
Bird watcher 1: A gulp? I've never heard of one of them before.
Bird watcher 2: It's a bit like a swallow, only bigger.
Cow 1: Did you see the news? The mad cow disease is affecting many cows making them to go mad.
Cow 2: Yeah, I saw it on TV. Thankfully it wont affect us donkeys.
Three birds walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.
Bird watcher 1: What sort of bird is that?
Bird watcher 2: A gulp.
Bird watcher 1: A gulp? I've never heard of one of them before.
Bird watcher 2: It's a bit like a swallow, only bigger.
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