Bar Jokes are the quintessential jokes about the drunkards with the bartender being one of the characters and patrons being the other. Some of them are about challenges and bets while some of them involve patrons walking in with animals. Some of them are about silly drunk people, cops and also hopeless who will do anything to get a free beer. And yeah, how can a bar joke be complete without Irishmen!
Hilarious Bar Jokes
Two men drinking in a bar were boasting of how much control they had over their wives. The first man said, "I once beat my wife so badly that she started crawling on her knees and hands towards me"
The second man said, "wow! that is great".
The first man said, "Then she asked me to come out from under the bed".
A man walks into a roof top bar of a 40 storied building, drinks heavily and jumps down from the top. Then he comes back after 5 minutes, drinks heavily and jumps down again. He does this for a couple of times till the bartender asks him, "Wow, how on earth do you manage that?"
The man replaied,"After you drink, your body becomes heated up and because of this the air inside becomes lighter. So you can just float down from the top to the pavement because your body is lighter when you are drunk".
The bartender decided to try this out, gets drunk and jumps off the top of the building but lands on his face on the pavement below. Bruised and angry he says to the man, "Superman, you really talk gibberish after you get drunk".
Two men drinking in a bar were boasting of how much control they had over their wives. The first man said, "I once beat my wife so badly that she started crawling on her knees and hands towards me"
The second man said, "wow! that is great".
The first man said, "Then she asked me to come out from under the bed".
A man walks into a roof top bar of a 40 storied building, drinks heavily and jumps down from the top. Then he comes back after 5 minutes, drinks heavily and jumps down again. He does this for a couple of times till the bartender asks him, "Wow, how on earth do you manage that?"
The man replaied,"After you drink, your body becomes heated up and because of this the air inside becomes lighter. So you can just float down from the top to the pavement because your body is lighter when you are drunk".
The bartender decided to try this out, gets drunk and jumps off the top of the building but lands on his face on the pavement below. Bruised and angry he says to the man, "Superman, you really talk gibberish after you get drunk".
Funny Bar Jokes
A chimpanzee went into a bar the other week and ordered a pint of beer. The
barman served him the drink and said "That's £8 please". As the chimpanzee is
giving him the cash, the bartender says "Do you know, it’s not often we get
chimpanzees in here". "I’m not surprised at these prices" replied the chimpanzee.
One man chatting to another in a bar. The first man said " On a business trip last
week, I had a gorgeous young lady knocking on my l bedroom door all night".
"Wow" you lucky bloke" said the second man. " Not really, I was forced to let
her out eventually".
Bob and Harry were in a bar. Harry says "Sorry I'm late. I've just returned from a
pleasure trip. "Oh where have you been?" asked Bob. "Just dropped the wife off
at the airport".
I had a bad argument in a bar the other day with a very large bloke who said that he would wipe the floor with my face. I toild him that wasn't a good idea. When he asked why I replied " You will never get into the corners properly".
A chimpanzee went into a bar the other week and ordered a pint of beer. The
barman served him the drink and said "That's £8 please". As the chimpanzee is
giving him the cash, the bartender says "Do you know, it’s not often we get
chimpanzees in here". "I’m not surprised at these prices" replied the chimpanzee.
One man chatting to another in a bar. The first man said " On a business trip last
week, I had a gorgeous young lady knocking on my l bedroom door all night".
"Wow" you lucky bloke" said the second man. " Not really, I was forced to let
her out eventually".
Bob and Harry were in a bar. Harry says "Sorry I'm late. I've just returned from a
pleasure trip. "Oh where have you been?" asked Bob. "Just dropped the wife off
at the airport".
I had a bad argument in a bar the other day with a very large bloke who said that he would wipe the floor with my face. I toild him that wasn't a good idea. When he asked why I replied " You will never get into the corners properly".
Bar Jokes
An attractive woman approached a man in a bar and whispered in his ear. "£50 and
I will do anything you wish". He peels off two twenties and a ten, hands over the
money to her and says "Right, go and paint my house".
A man went into a bar and on his shoulder was perched a chunk of asphalt. He said to
the barman " A pint of beer for me and one for the road".
Two friends are talking in a pub and one of them is not too bright. He says " You would never find me taking a holiday in the USA". "Why not?" said the second man. " Well they all drive on the other side of the road to here", he replied. "Why is that a problem?" said the second man. "Well, I tried it driving around town yesterday and it was awful". Replied the first man.
An attractive woman approached a man in a bar and whispered in his ear. "£50 and
I will do anything you wish". He peels off two twenties and a ten, hands over the
money to her and says "Right, go and paint my house".
A man went into a bar and on his shoulder was perched a chunk of asphalt. He said to
the barman " A pint of beer for me and one for the road".
Two friends are talking in a pub and one of them is not too bright. He says " You would never find me taking a holiday in the USA". "Why not?" said the second man. " Well they all drive on the other side of the road to here", he replied. "Why is that a problem?" said the second man. "Well, I tried it driving around town yesterday and it was awful". Replied the first man.
Funny Bar Jokes
A man sits in a bar just staring at his drink for about twenty minutes. A big guy
comes up to him, takes his drink and drinks it down in one. The man starts to cry.
The big guy tells him not to cry as he was only messing about and offers to
replace his drink. "That's not the problem" said the man "What a day I have had. Started off, the alarm didn't go off so I was late for work and got sacked. Going back to my car, it wasn't there - someone had nicked it . When I got home, I realised that I must have dropped my wallet on the bus - all my money - gone. I then go upstairs to
find a note from my wife on the bed saying that she's left me. And, just when I
think about killing myself, you come along and drink my cyanide.
My friend and I were in the pub and decided to have a friendly game of darts. He
said "the person nearest the bull starts" I replied "Where are we going to get one
of those at this time of night."
"I lost my credit card three weeks ago but haven't reported it" said Joe to his
mate in the pub. "Why not" asked the friend. "Well, the thief is not spending as much as my wife did" he replied.
A man sits in a bar just staring at his drink for about twenty minutes. A big guy
comes up to him, takes his drink and drinks it down in one. The man starts to cry.
The big guy tells him not to cry as he was only messing about and offers to
replace his drink. "That's not the problem" said the man "What a day I have had. Started off, the alarm didn't go off so I was late for work and got sacked. Going back to my car, it wasn't there - someone had nicked it . When I got home, I realised that I must have dropped my wallet on the bus - all my money - gone. I then go upstairs to
find a note from my wife on the bed saying that she's left me. And, just when I
think about killing myself, you come along and drink my cyanide.
My friend and I were in the pub and decided to have a friendly game of darts. He
said "the person nearest the bull starts" I replied "Where are we going to get one
of those at this time of night."
"I lost my credit card three weeks ago but haven't reported it" said Joe to his
mate in the pub. "Why not" asked the friend. "Well, the thief is not spending as much as my wife did" he replied.
Bar Jokes
A man walks into a bar with tiger and they proceed to drink so much that the tiger
passes out and falls to the floor. As the man is leaving, the barman shouts to him
"Hey, you can't leave that lying there". The man replies "I know 'im drunk but
even I can see that it is a tiger not a lion'.
A man goes into a bar with his dog and bets the barman £50 that the dog can
answer his question. So the man says "what do you call the top of a building"? The
dog replies "roof". The barman says "I’m not paying for that" so the man says
"Okay double or nothing" and asks the dog "Who is the best baseball player of all
time" The dog replies "Ruth". "That’s enough "says the barman who picks them
both up and throws them out of the bar. As they hit the ground, the dog turns to his
owner and says "or maybe DiMaggio".
A man walks into a bar with tiger and they proceed to drink so much that the tiger
passes out and falls to the floor. As the man is leaving, the barman shouts to him
"Hey, you can't leave that lying there". The man replies "I know 'im drunk but
even I can see that it is a tiger not a lion'.
A man goes into a bar with his dog and bets the barman £50 that the dog can
answer his question. So the man says "what do you call the top of a building"? The
dog replies "roof". The barman says "I’m not paying for that" so the man says
"Okay double or nothing" and asks the dog "Who is the best baseball player of all
time" The dog replies "Ruth". "That’s enough "says the barman who picks them
both up and throws them out of the bar. As they hit the ground, the dog turns to his
owner and says "or maybe DiMaggio".
0 comments:
Post a Comment