Trivia
A :- Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.
Q :- Why won't the gujju jeweller sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?
A :- The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for 'Kesh'
Q :- What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Ramesh no dikro States ma gayon" ?
A :- Ramesh's son failed in statistics...
Q) Why did Bill Clinton have the gujju beaten?
A) The gujju told Clinton "You are an IMPOTENT man"
Q) What will a Gujju tell a tomato, coming last in a tomato race?
A) Tomato KETCHUP.
Q) Why did the gujju go to Rome?
A) He wanted to listen to POPE music.
Q) Why did the gujju go to London?
A) To see BIG BEHN.
Q) Why was the gujju stacking up 1 cent coins on the day before exams?
A) He wanted to get "cent-per-cent" .
Q) What did the Gujju have in the morning?
A) LIGHT SNAKES for breakfast.
Q) What did the Gujju say to the singing prostitute?
A) You are going from BED To VERSE.
Q) Did you know that Gujarati students are going to start a fraternity?
A) They named it Rho Beta Rho.
Q) Why did the gujjus take 50 paise when they went to watch "GANDHI"?
A) They read Atten( 8 annas)-bourough in the credits.
Q) What is a Gujju picnic koled?
A) A snake in the grass
Q) Why did the Gujju wear a Tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A) If he was going to become impotent, he wanted to look impotent.
Q) Why did the American get scared of the Gujju?
A) Because he said 'Sue kare chhe.'
Q) Maro dikro Dubai gayo?
A) My son drowned.
Gujju and the Arab
An (Bahraini) Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood.
The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Hummer, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars.
Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati’s kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner.
The Arab replied “Bapu…..now I have Gujju blood in my veins!”
Cellphones
Once 4 gujju wives met at a party talking about their husband's new cellular phones....
First gujju wife says to others... "Maro pati ne pass mota laura (motorola) che!....
Second gujju wife replies.."Aree sirf mota laura thi kya hoga? errection(ERICSSON) chahiye!....
So the third gujju wife steps up & says..."aree mota laura bhi thick hai, errection bhi thick hai, Par semen (Seimens) nahi to kya fayda?...
And then the fourth said.."Mota laura bhi ho, errecson bhi ho, semen bhi ho, lekin na kiya (Nokia) tho kya fayda??....
The Ventriloquist
A Marwadi guy and a Gujarati guy went out to a very expensive restaurant for dinner one night.
Finally, the waiter came over and asked,
"Who should I give the check to?"
The Marwadi guy said,
"Give it to me. I'll take care of everything."
"Fine," said the waiter.
The next day the headlines read: 'Gujrarati Ventriloquist Strangled to Death'
The Journey !
Mister Nene was occupying the lower berth, his wife had the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train.
When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way, the son requested his father to buy him a cup of ice cream to which he readily agreed and got off the train.
When they returned, they found that a Gujju bhai who couldn't understand Hindi or Marathi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Mister Nene called the TT and asked him to help.
TT was a South Indian who stated that he could not understand Hindi, Marathi or Gujarati so it would be better if Mister Nene explained the whole situation to him in English.
So Mr. Nene explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
Rear Drops
A Gujju woman took her baby to a doctor, who determined right away that the baby had an earache.
He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote,
"Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it.
Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.
The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough,
the pharmacist,had typed the following instructions on the label:
"Put two drops in R ear every four hours.
Main Loot Jaun Gha
Ek bar Ahemdabad mein, ek nai bus service chulu hui. Is bus ka kariya (fare) Ghante Gar (clock tower) se Mandi tek ek rupee tha.
Itna saste kariya hone par bhi, koi bhi is bus ko use nhin karta. Wahen ke log bhut kunjus the.
Ek sethji bhi har roj bus ke route per chel kar apne daftar (office) jathe the.
Bus wale thung agai- koi bus use hi nhin karte the- tu unone kariya adha, yani ki 50 paise kar diye.
Next day Sethji guse mein bus station per ja kar complain karne lage-' mein loot jaun gha , ap na kariya kum kar diya!'
Bus wale confuse hogeye- to sethji bole,
' Mein har roj ane aur jane ke two ruppee save karte the ab mere ek ruppee hi save hoga.'
Business is Business
A young Gujju boy starts attending public school in a small town in the United States.
The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student.
She asks the class, "Who was the greatest man that ever lived?"
A girl raises her hand and says,
"I think George Washington was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Father of our country."
The teacher replies, "Well...that's a good answer, but that's not the answer I am looking for."
Another young student raises his hand and says,
"I think Abraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because he freed the slaves and helped end the civil war."
"Well, that's another good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for."
Then the Gujju boy raises his hand and says, "I think Jesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived."
The teacher's mouth drops open in astonishment. "Yes!", she says, that's the answer I was looking for."
She then brings him up to the front of the classroom and gives him a lollipop.
Later, during recess, another desi boy approaches him as he is licking his lollipop.
He says, "Why did you say, 'Jesus Christ'?"
The Gujju boy stops licking his lollipop and replies,
"Look, I know it's Krishna, and YOU know it's Krishna, but business is business."
The Ransom
A Gujarati bhai spent the night in his secretary's apartment.
He woke up at three in the morning.
"My God!" he shouted, "My wife is going to kill me!"
Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest pay phone and called his wife.
"Muna ni ba ", he began, "Don't pay the ransom. I escaped!"
The Accident
There was once a Gujarati living in USA called Raju Patel, who was involved in a car accident.
At the hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to tell him what had happened to him.
"I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash."
"Car crash! My Porsche! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically.
"Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries - you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it," she said apologetically.
"I lost my arm? My Rolex! My Rolex!"
"Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries.
You are in a very critical condition, but all your family are here to see you."
He asked for his family to be called in.
As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them by name. "Shilpa, are you here?"
"I am here husband, and I will never leave you."
"Dilip, are you here?"
"I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Anil, are you here?"
"I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Priya, my child, are you here?"
"I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Well," said Raju thoughtfully, "if Shilpa, Dilip, Anil and Priya are here..... WHO THE HELL IS IN THE SHOP?
The Free Ride
Ramjibhai was downtown with his wife and four little children when he decided to take a Rickshaw home.
Approaching a Rickshaw driver, he demanded, "How much will you charge to drive us to the Ghatkopar ?"
"I figure Rupees 2/- apiece for you and your wife," said the driver.
"I'll take the four kids along for nothing."
Ramjibhai turned to his children and said, "Jump in kids, and have a nice ride home.
Your Ba and I will take the train."
Understand Your Parents When they say: They mean:
Pasadi...........................Prashad
Sufuria.........................Saucepan
Sano..............................Snow
Tikert...........................Ticket
Egg-joss........................Exhaust
Fota...............................Photos
Lipti..............................Lipstick
Phast.............................Fast
Pholowur.....................Flower
Gilas..............................Glass
Palty..............................Party
Gorment.......................Goverment
Peeja..............................Pizza
Peejot............................Peugeot
Fhanta...........................Fanta
Punch............................Sponge
Booth.............................Car Boot
Kittli..............................Kettle
Boota..............................Boots(shoes)
Winda.............................Windows
Winbly............................Wembley
Die Vos...........................Divorce
New Brand.....................Brand New
Jung.................................Young
Caffol..............................Scaffold
Istill.................................Steel
Bowel...............................Bowl
Indian Electrician...........Ashok
Jee TV..............................Zee TV
Isschool............................School
Juniversity.......................University
Istawbury.........................Strawberry
Isscooter...........................Scooter
Isgrew Driver..................Screwdriver
Kale....................Tomorrow and Yesterday
Beetish..............................British
Bilu...................................Blue
Phen..................................Fan
Amrica..............................America
Viza...................................Visa
Philam..............................Film
Borras...............................Brush
Gero..................................Zero
Apormant.........................Appointment
Hispotal............................Hospital
Revind..............................Reverse
Music Down Cur............Turn Down the Music
The Robbery
Kanjibhai the jeweller called the police station to report a robbery.
"You'll never believe what happened, Officer.
A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out.
He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewellery and climbed back into the truck.
The doors closed and the truck pulled away."
The Pandu hawaldar said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?"
"What's the difference?" asked Kanjibhai Jaweri.
"Well," said the Hawaldar , "an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears."
"Come to think of it, I couldn't see his ears," said Kanjibhai "He had a stocking over his head."
RSVP
Kanjibhai was not very good at English so he asked the printer to help him.
After the printer had presented Kanjibhai with a draft , Kanjibhai quickly pointed out that the " RSVP " was missing .
The printer was surprised by Kanjibhai's knowledge and asked him if Kanjibhai knew what it meant.
Kanjibhai started to think and after much thought he replied :
"Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"
The Promotion
Kanjibhai called one of his employees into the office.
"Rohit ," he said, "you've been with the company for a year.
You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department.
Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman.
Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?"
"Thanks," said Rohit.
"Thanks?" Kanjibhai replied. "Is that all you can say?"
"I suppose not," Rohit said. "Thanks, Bapuji."
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