10 Things to do at the Mall
10. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!" 9. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed. 8. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard. 7. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke. 6. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts. 5. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them. 4. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leak proof". 3. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 1. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man." TOP TEN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN CHURCH... 10. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew. 9. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time. 8. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf. 7. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists. 6. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class. 5. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do. 4. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before! 3. Since we're all here, let's start the service early. 2. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas. 1. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH DARTH VADER... 10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his. 9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it. 8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler. 7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago." 6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine. 5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch. 4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast. 3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth." 2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill. 1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.
TOP TEN REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED... 1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" 2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan. 3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants." 4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse. 5. You want to see if it's like the dream. 6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume. 7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them. 8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk. 9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning. 10. No one steals your chair.
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR SPOUSE IS HAVING A CYBER AFFAIR... 10. Lately, she sits at the computer naked. 9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette. 8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive. 7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up. 6. He's gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand. 5. Every day, Bill Gates sends 10 million dollars worth of flowers. 4. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of underwear. 3. During sex she screams "A COLON BACKSLASH ENTER INSERT!!!!" 2. The fax file is filled with pictures of some guy's ass. 1. Lipstick on the mouse.
TOP 10 REASONS WHY SOME MEN FAVOR HANDGUNS OVER WOMEN 10 - YOU CAN TRADE IN AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. 9 - YOU CAN KEEP ONE HANDGUN AT HOME, AND HAVE ANOTHER FOR WHEN YOU'RE ON THE ROAD. 8 - IF YOU ADMIRE A FRIEND'S HANDGUN AND TELL HIM SO, HE WILL PROBABLY LET YOU TRY IT OUT A FEW TIMES. 7 - YOUR PRIMARY HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU KEEP ANOTHER HANDGUN FOR A BACK UP. 6 - YOUR HANDGUN WILL STAY WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU RUN OUT OF AMMO. 5 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T TAKE UP A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE. 4 - HANDGUNS FUNCTION NORMALLY EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH. 3 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T ASK, "DO THESE NEW GRIPS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?" 2 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU GO TO SLEEP AFTER YOU USE IT. 1 - YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN.
Top Ten Signs You are Addicted to the Internet-
You kiss your girlfriend's/boyfriend's home page. - Your
bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom. - Your
eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them. - You
find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search. - You
refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone
lines. - You
finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular-modem
and a laptop. - You
spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...
and your child in the overhead compartment. - All
you daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection
to the net: 28.8... ISDN... cable modem... T1... T3... - And
even your night dreams are in HTML. - You
find yourself typing "com" after every period when
using a word processor.com.
Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery
-
Things you don't want to hear during surgery: - Better
save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. - "Accept
this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness." - Bo!
Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog! - Wait
a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? - Hand
me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there. - Oh
no! Where's my Rolex. - Oops!
Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before? - There
go the lights again? - "Ya
know, there's big money in kidneys? and this guy's got two of
'em."
Top Ten Things to Describe a Stupid Person
- A
few crumbs short of a crouton. - A
few clowns short of a circus. - A
few fries short of a Happy Meal. - An
experiment in Artificial Stupidity. - A
few beers short of a six-pack. - A
few peas short of a casserole. - The
wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead. - One
Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl. - One
taco short of a combination plate. - A
few feathers short of a whole duck
Top 10 Good Things About Having A Stripper As A News Anchor 10. "Finally, a way to get teens interested in current events." 9. "Easy way of fulfilling the station's FCC nudity requirement." 8. "Top story tonight -- I got a new tattoo." 7. "Impressive to watch her do the news while the sports guy's throwing dollars at her." 6. "Oh geez, I dunno -- Maybe the fact that she's naked!" 5. "Carrying on the proud tradition started by Edward R. Murrow." 4. "Fun to hear anchor say, "To hear more on the Iowa Caucus, meet me in the Champagne Room in 5 minutes." 3. "She covers the five W's of journalism; who, what, when, where and WOW!" 2. "Studies have found that clothing detracts from viewers' ability to process news." 1. Viewers intrigued every time she says, "This just in."
Top 10 Questions Received By The Toro Snow Blower Hotline 10. "I'm blowing into it, but it won't snow" 9. "Do you make one for rain?" 8. "Who do I call about reattaching my hand?" 7. "Can you use it to make sno-cones?" 6. "This is Monica Lewinsky, are you looking for a spokesperson?" 5. "Can I use it to make cole slaw?" 4. "Toro? Oh, I'm sorry. I was trying to call Zorro?" 3. "Can I use the snow blower indoors as a fan?" 2. "Where exactly does Bush think he's getting the money to go to Mars?" 1. "Can I blow myself?"
Top 10 Al Roker Explanations For Why It's So Cold" 10. "An area of low pressure, which is formed in eastern Canada, moved quickly southeast... oh, who am I kidding? I have no idea what I'm talking about" 9. "You didn't hear it from me, but earth has spun out of orbit and is hurdling away from the sun" 8. "With a Kuchinich Presidency still a slight possibility, hell is beginning to freeze over" 7. "Who cares about the weather -- "Don't I look great?"" 6. "The Gods are angry about that Britney Spears marriage" 5. "Someone must have left the Ed Sullivan Theater doors open" 4. "If I actually knew, don't you think I'd be doing something about it" 3. "Let's just say it's gonna stay cold 'till I get a raise" 2. "Don't know, but we could figure it out over a warm snuggle by a roaring fire at my place" 1. "It's January, you pantywaists -- get over it!!"
Top 10 Reasons George W. Bush Wants To Put A Man On Mars 10. Dick Cheney needs a new undisclosed location 9. It's part of his "No Planet Left Behind" initiative 8. Great deal on the off-season airfare right now at Expedia.com 7. Maybe we'll find some weapons of mass destruction there 6. We've run out of places on Earth to drill for oil 5. Hoping to get Mork's autograph 4. We cannot back down until the people of Mars hold free elections 3. Dude, free Mars bars 2. Why not? It's not like we have an enormous debt or failing economy 1. Pete Rose bet him we wouldn't do it
Top 10 Signs Your Car Should Be Recalled 10. "Leaks brake fluid, transmission fluid and blood" 9. "It can only make left turns" 8. "Ambulances follow you around" 7. "It was rated a "Best Buy" by "Faulty Wiring Magazine"" 6. "It has the same battery as your watch" 5. "Heater control is marked "Low," "High" and "Sars"" 4. "Page 74 of the owners' manual advises: "Car is for display purposes only"" 3. "Blue book value: $38.75" 2. "Seatbelts are made of delicious Taffy" 1. "Dealer promised engine would last as long as your marriage to Britney Spears"
Top Ten Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies - It
is always possible to park directly outside any building you
are visiting. - A
detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from
duty. - If
you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump
into will know all the steps. - Most
laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication
systems of any invading alien civilization. - It
does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you
one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you
have knocked out their predecessors. - No
one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic
eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock. - When
they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each
other. - You
can always find a chainsaw when you need one. - Any
lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds,
unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped
inside. - Television
news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally
at that precise moment you turn the television on.
The top ten signs that someone is using your e-mail account 10. "Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon.com backing into our driveway?"
9. One Secret Service agent is sitting on your head while another is slapping cuffs on you.8. Apparently, your flame war with DonCorleone@mafia.com is about to turn ugly.7. When you log on, your computer says "You've got lawsuits!"6. You're suddenly getting more Spam than the Hormel outlet store.5. Sotheby's says the Rembrandt is yours and that you now owe them $71,000,000 and change.4. You now have 130,000 ClubTop5 subscriptions and the list moderator is on the cover of Business Week.3. Terse "Knock it off, Oedipus" e-mail from your Mom.2. Your wife calls you at the office to report that Pogdi, your Pakistani mail-order bride, has arrived.1. "The resistance welcomes your involvement. Your contact information has been forwarded to a local insurgent who will bring supplies and reinforcements to you immediately."Top Ten Signs You Migh be a redneck...1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife. 2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations. 3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house. 4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket. 5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday. 6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper. 7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops. 8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway. 9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby. 10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.
Top 10 Reasons I'm Happy To Have Been Born February 29th 10. "My house isn't all cluttered with thoughtful birthday presents" 9. "Between my birthday and the damn groundhog, February's a non-stop party" 8. "Though it's not legal, I pay my taxes once every four years, too" 7. "You think I'd be appearing on national TV if I'd been born February 28th?" 6. "How many people get a car on their fifth birthday?" 5. "We still pay the children's price at the movies" 4. "Lack of birthday cake has kept me relatively thin" 3. "There's nothing good about it -- I just wanted to meet Cosby" 2. "Dumb people think you're supernatural" 1. "I don't know why, but it gets me a lot of tail"
Top 10 Good Things About Winning An Academy Award 10. "I mentioned Budweiser in my acceptance speech and to this day I get a case a year." 9. "I hide a spare house key under my star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame." 8. "Back in my day, I had good luck using the line, 'Wanna polish my Oscar?'" 7. "Dangle it from your rearview mirror and goodbye speeding tickets." 6. "No more of that 'It's just an honor to be nominated' bull." 5. "If you forget to rewind, Blockbuster generally looks the other way." 4. "On camping trips, the Oscar is great for pounding in tent stakes." 3. "A lot of people don't know this, but the head screws off and there's Bourbon inside." 2. "Do you realize Mr. Genius Albert Einstein never won an Academy Award?" 1. "There's a good chance Paris Hilton will make a sex video with you."
Top 10 Things Heard Outside The New Mel Gibson Movie 10. "Hey -- no shoving, Monsignor!" 9. "I don't know why they added subtitles -- everyone speaks Aramaic" 8. "I'm hoping my medium Mountain Dew will miraculously be changed into an extra large Mountain Dew" 7. "These 'Lord of the Ring' films are getting odder and odder" 6. "Was this really based on a book?" 5. "Twelve dollars for a movie ticket? Now that's a sin, am I right, people?" 4. "The Pope loved it almost as much as "Barber Shop 2'" 3. "Uh...I don't feel like dinner right now." 2. "That was awesome when Trump fired Pontius Pilate" 1. "Don't tell me the ending"
Top 10 Signs Bush Is Considering Dumping Cheney 10. Cheney's desk has been replaced by President's new air hockey table. 9. There's a listing on Monster Dot Com for a Vice-Presidential position in a "Large North American Government." 8. Cheney's so depressed he's only eating 12 KFC drumsticks a day. 7. There is a "For Rent" sign on the front lawn of the undisclosed location. 6. When Cheney says, "We're gonna win in November," Bush snarls, "What's this 'We' crap?" 5. White House interns are no longer required to know CPR. 4. The CIA says they have reliable information Cheney won't be dumped. 3. Bush asked Trump if he could come to Washington and fire Cheney. 2. Yesterday a tearful Cheney sang "I Will Survive" on the White House lawn. 1. Bush called Daddy looking for Quayle's number.
Top 10 Good Things About Being Named George W. Bush 10. Read my lips: I never pay taxes 9. I receive courtesy calls whenever Cheney has a heart attack 8. I always get the Presidential Suite at Motel 6 in downtown Cleveland 7. After sex, my wife hums "Hail to the Chief" 6. Whenever I get bored, I call the Texas Department of Corrections and have them execute a guy 5. Last week, I used an improperly addressed Halliburton contribution to buy myself a trampoline 4. I've been cleaning up on Denny's "Presidents Eat Free" promotion 3. Amusing late night phone calls from a drunk Tony Blair 2. People are pleasantly surprised that I'm not an idiot 1. The President offered me ten grand for a copy of my military records
Top 10 Signs You Should Get A Divorce 10. For Valentine's Day he gives you a box of Pop Tarts and says, "If you need me, I'll be at Hooters." 9. The only thing you have in common is your hatred for one another. 8. You ask the guy at Hallmark where the "Controlling Bitch" section is. 7. You keep finding receipts for the guys she's hired to kill you. 6. You still haven't forgiven him for nailing that fat intern when he was a resident. 5. She brings a date to couples counseling. 4. You just married Liza Minnelli. 3. He won't shut up about how great his secretary is in bed. 2. You sleep in separate beds in separate bedrooms in separate houses in separate states. 1. Her pet nickname for you -- "Numb-nuts."
Top Ten Changes CBS Is Making To The Grammys 10. "Best Country Album" award determined by good old fashioned leg wrasslin." 9. "Only live performance of the evening: A Howard Dean crazed rant." 8. "New category: Song most illegally downloaded." 7. "To encourage people to watch CBS, changing title to "Grammys: CSI." 6. "For safety reasons, earth and wind may perform but fire is prohibited." 5. "Bjork will be even bjorkier!" 4. "To draw fans of the Latin Grammys, all participants will wear sombreros." 3. "Opening number: A musical tribute to the FCC." 2. "Only Jackson permitted at the ceremony is Marlon, who is working backstage as a grip." 1. "If your acceptance speech is over 30 seconds, Puffy starts shooting."
Top Ten Things Never Before Said by a Presidential Candidate 10. "Vote for me or I'll slash your tires" 9. "Forget universal health care -- I'm buying every American an XBox" 8. "In a crisis I ask myself, 'What would Tony Danza do?'? 7. "I'd give you my plan for economic recovery if I wasn't rip stinkin' drunk" 6. "If your last name begins with 'M' through 'Z,' sorry -- your taxes are doubling" 5. "We're gonna cut the deficit by selling North Dakota to Canada" 4. "I have tons of experience from being president of the Burt Reynolds fan club" 3. "Lady, that is one ugly baby" 2. "When I'm president, I'm putting Regis on Mt. Rushmore" 1. "Read my lips: no new wardrobe malfunctions"
Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From A Guy At Starbucks 10. "We ran out of coffee filters, so I'm using one of my old undershirts." 9. "Try our triple cappuccino -- It's a legal alternative to crack." 8. "Let me make sure that's not too hot." 7. "You know, I licked every one of these stirrers." 6. "One Decaf Venti Skim Latte -- 39 dollars." 5. "Sugar with that?" 4. "Grande Caramel Macchaito? Talk English!" 3. "If I catch any of you people going into a Dunkin' Donuts for coffee, I'll break your legs!" 2. "Some whipped cream for you... and some whipped cream for me." 1. "After work, I'm gonna pick up a hooker-uccino."
Top Ten Signs Hillary Clinton Wants To Be Vice President 10. The Washington, D.C. TJ Maxx has sold out of pantsuits. 9. She's practicing sitting around doing nothing. 8. Instead of pretending to be from New York, she's pretending to be from key battleground states Ohio, Florida and Michigan. 7. Bragged to reporters the next "Hillary-Gate" is going to be off the hizzook. 6. Says she wants to be the first female Vice President since Gore. 5. Just purchased a large amount of Halliburton stock. 4. Called Century 21 to ask about listings for undisclosed locations. 3. Well, there's the "Kerry/Clinton" tattoo. 2. Firing up the ol' paper shredder. 1. If it would help she'd have sex with Bill.
Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From A Guy In A Hotel 10. "The desk clerk is nuts, so whatever room number she gives you, add three." 9. "I wrote you a note about halfway through your roll of toilet paper." 8. "Meet me in the whirlpool in twenty minutes." 7. "If you want a bellhop, press '1' on your phone; If you want a hooker, press '2.'" 6. "Ring this bell again, I'll burn your luggage." 5. "Hey, could you go over to the Ramada and swipe us some towels?" 4. "You know, every room has a hair dryer -- How's that for ritzy?" 3. "Are you the bastard that took my gin out of the minibar?" 2. "Wanna see the pictures I took of you sleeping?" 1. "Do you mind sharing your room with a monkey?"
Letterman - Top Ten Things Governor Schwarzenegger Hears In A Typical Day 10. "When are you going to drop the phony accent?" 9. "Read the Education Budget and then you can have some Strudel." 8. "Why does this place always smell like Baby Oil?" 7. "Are you driving the Hummer to the Earth Day rally?" 6. "Letterman on the phone again -- should I tell him you're still in a meeting?" 5. "The Governor will answer a few questions then show off his abs and delts." 4. "Relax, Governor -- I wasn't sent from the future to kill you." 3. "When shaking hands with assembly members, stop squeezing once you hear a crack." 2. "You gave up a $25 million salary to do this?!" 1. "Governor, please put the desk down."
Top Ten Catch Phrases Ryan Seacrest Rejected Before "Seacrest Out!" presented by Ryan Seacrest 10. "Seabiscuit out!" 9. "Wow, I'm gorgeous!" 8. "Next time bring your sister, you hump." 7. "All hail North Korea's brave leader Kim Jong-Il!" 6. "This is Ryan Seacrest saying, 'Don't let the Asian Bird Flu get you!'" 5. "I'm lactose-intolerant." 4. "Don't have your pets spayed or neutered." 3. "This has been Ryan Seacrest on 'American Idol,' or 'American Top 40,' or 'On-Air with Ryan Seacrest,' or whatever the hell I'm on right now!" 2. "Vote for Kucinich/Seacrest this November." 1. "So long, losers!"
Top Ten Good Things About Being A New York Yankee presented by George Steinbrenner 10. "With the player discount, a hot dog at Yankee Stadium is now only $50" 9. "Your bobble-head doll is a legal form of identification in New York State" 8. "With me there's very little pressure to win" 7. "Hideki Matsui can teach you to sing in Japanese" 6. "After every game, Yogi Berra gives you a complimentary foot massage" 5. "Our spring training facility is near a Hooters" 4. "Take it from the guy signing the checks -- some of the players do OK for themselves" 3. "Pinstripes make your butt look slimmer" 2. "You get to meet all of Derek Jeter's girlfriends" 1. "You think this A-Rod deal is good? We're about to sign TY Cobb"
Top Ten Things I Have Learned Interning At the LATE SHOW (As presented by the LATE SHOW interns) 10. "Television is a magical dreamland of paying delivery guys and replacing toner cartridges" 9. "Late Show T-shirts are made in a sweatshop under the Ed Sullivan Theater" 8. " hours of work go into writing Dave's so-called 'fan mail'" 7. " differences allow you to distinguish Dave's twin poodles, Chablis and Chardonnay" 6. "Any idiot can become famous if they own a suit and can read a cue card" 5. "New York is a wonderful place to meet hookers" 4. " I'm asked, 'Have you ever wasted four months of your life?' I'll be ready with an answer" 3. "'t go to Dave's barber" 2. " make Dave's coffee, add two scoops of French roast for every cup of Dewar's" 1. "My parents lie and say I intern for Leno"
Top Ten Things I'd Like To Get Off My Chest Now That I'm in the Baseball Hall of Fame (As presented by Paul Moliter and Dennis Eckersley) 10. "Once after I hit a grand slam I kissed the umpire on the mouth" 9. "In case there's any confusion, when I die, please don't freeze me" 8. "On July 17, 1984, I told the manager I pulled a hamstring and I went to see 'Ghostbusters'" 7. "Thank God I was never a Devil Ray" 6. "I joined a gym so I can continue to shower with men" 5. "Forget all that stuff during contract negotiations -- I was seriously, seriously overpaid" 4. "I traded my 1993 World Series ring for two front row tickets to a Jethro Tull concert" 3. "Once a guy made a joke about the mustache so I beat him to death with a Fungo Bat" 2. "During difficult times in my life I rebroadcast or retransmitted games without the express written consent of Major League Baseball" 1. "Earlier today, I married Britney Spears"
Top Ten Messages on Britney Spears' Answering Machine 10. "This is the printing company. Your wedding announcements are ready" 9. "Hey, it's Christina Aguilera, did you get married or did I?" 8. "It's the printing company. Your annulment announcements are ready" 7. "Rush Limbaugh here. I'd love to try whatever you were taking the other night." 6. "So other than the embarrassing marriage and annulment, how was Vegas?" 5. "Hey, it's Paris. You don't need to get married to get attention. Just have sex on the internet." 4. "This is Kenny from high school. I have a couple of hours free on Thursday if you want to get married and divorced." 3. "Honey, it's Liza. Next time, instead of an annulment, hit him with a bottle." 2. "It's Jessica Simpson. Thanks for making me look like a genius." 1. "Pete Rose here. I bet 10,000 dollars on your marriage lasting a week"
Top Ten Things We Learned From The Mars Rover 10. Contrary to earlier findings, Mars only about a mile from Earth 9. NASA's Mars footage looks suspiciously similar to Atari's Asteroids 8. So far, no sign of Mork 7. Thought I saw Paris Hilton having sex with a Martian 6. We could've taken a photo of Death Valley and saved 400-million dollars 5. The Mars invasion force is already on its way and there's not a damn thing we can do about it 4. It's much more Mars-y than we even imagined 3. Whole "red planet" thing just a marketing ploy by Cherry 7-Up 2. Kucinich's popularity rating on Mars is the same as on Earth 1. Osama ain't there, either
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